Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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