Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am mentally ready for anal.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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