your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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