we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
