Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
