Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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