i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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