Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
