There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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