I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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