I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize