He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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