proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
