can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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