pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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