Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize