She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
