Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The best revenge is premature balding
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
