somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
