It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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