the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
