I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All I want is dick and wine.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
