some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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