I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize