I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
