If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
