Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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