he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
