did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
