The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
These Dirty People Havenâ€™t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?