1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?