Need sex. Gaining weight.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.