it wasn't lemon gatorade
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
