We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize