no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
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do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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