How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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