i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
