I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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