Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Boobs are out for the taking
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
