Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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