you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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