I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
