you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
