Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
