I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
