forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
