I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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