I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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