I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
