Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize