you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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