She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
