So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
