The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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