Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
