I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
