i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
