Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
