im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
