If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The power of my boobs compel you
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
