...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
