i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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