ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
