I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
