I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
